Saturday, 8 November 2008

Life as a Pseudo Woman

Is a really stupid thing to attempt and anyone with any sense would run screaming from. Who would want to try to convince the world they were a woman when patently they weren't. Well I do or would like to try! It's been the elephant in the room all my life. Something I've tried to ignore for the best part of 35 years. It's distracted me from all the good things I've had put in front of me; like talent, lovers, children well paid jobs. Left me feeling like a fake for all those years. A pretend man who was waiting for every one to see through him.

It's time to put this right, time to reclaim my life from the lies and fear. It's a mountain to climb, a very expensive mountain, full of horrors and personal demons. A mountain no man would want to climb, but then I'm not sure I am a man. That is the crux of the matter for me, feeling like a woman, learning to accept and enjoy it, embracing it with my all my heart.

The betrayal of my masculinity has been a strange process and might sound bizarre to many people. Bizarre that it'd bother me or even feel like betrayal. Considering I've felt more female than male my entire life. I'm not sure I've ever really hated being male just never felt that I really work as a man! But I feel like a Tory MP who's defecting to Labour.. crossing the floor of the House of Commons to the jeers of my former colleagues and cheers of my new side! This is doubled by the reaction of the women I've come out to. Their reaction has been fantastic, they've all accepted me as a woman totally and made me realise how female I really am. This has left me feeling far less crazy and enjoying being the person I've always felt I was.

With out their support I don't know where I'd be right now, but pretty sure I'd not have got anywhere as far. Thank you Hiromi, Kath and Cass. I love all 3 of you!

No comments: